BUH BYE 2018
I know we’re 12 days into the new year, and everyone has shared their ups and downs and hoorahs and boohoos and what’s new and new me, and I love it. I love it all. I’m ALL about goals. But honestly, I have been debating whether or not to share my love/hate relationship with 2018. Ultimately, you’re reading this post so obviously I’ve made the choice to share. When I started this blog, I promised you and myself that I would be authentic. Here goes.
As 2019 gets going, I’m feeling a lot of feelings. Shocker. But, they’re good feelings. And that’s a lot different than the way I was feeling at this time last year. Exactly one year ago today I found myself in a pretty shitty situation. I was abruptly unemployed while 6 months pregnant, depressed and pretty much unoptimistic for future success. I was told I wasn’t good enough, literally, and discarded for having personality traits that I happen to love and admire about myself and that I thought employers appreciated as well. They include, but are not limited to tenacity, drive, motivation, ambition and moxie. I wanted to learn, I wanted to excel, I wanted to grow and I definitely wanted to have a career there. Those wants were not welcomed.
Obviously, I was sad, angry (very angry) and utterly confused. In any career or position, we all have things to improve upon and skills that need to be honed. I wasn’t perfect, but I definitely didn’t deserve the unprofessional, callus and downright seedy treatment I was given.
I started really doubting myself. Why did this happen? Am I not as talented in the areas I had thought were my strong points? Should I scale it back (my ambition and my personality?) Do I rub people the wrong way? This despair and resentment went on for a while. Then, one day, it was gone, and I realized all of the things that this devastating occurrence taught me.
I learned the true lack of compassion employers can have, and I quickly figured out that women can be a big part of the problem, not the solution that we’re supposed to be for one another. But, I also learned what I LOVE LOVE LOVE in career. I learned my passion. I learned how to never treat employees if I’m ever in a leadership position. I learned what I really wanted and needed in a career. I had time to slowly and restfully enjoy the end of my pregnancy. I had time to start this blog! A dream that I’ve been noodling on forever, but never quite had the time to really give it the focus and attention it needed.
And in April… my beautiful, sweet, happy, good-sleeping, chubby lovey baby boy Fletcher was born. At that point, I gave zero shits about anyone and anything. He, and my other son Harvey, are what makes the world go around, and it reminded me what really matters. And I knew I’d go into whatever venture next with my eyes open and my needs met.
I ended up finding a new role, where my drive and tenacity to grow were welcomed with open arms. Our CEO craves ambition and loves to be around it. In fact, this Monday, during our first staff meeting of the year, I was awarded MVP for the exact traits that were so ruefully overlooked one year ago to date. My lust for the written word is appreciated and my experience and gusto is respected. I’ve never been happier. In work and in life. I feel soooo good about this year, and I feel good about sharing this with you. For once in my life, I fit in. And for all of the above, I will forever be grateful for what I went through one year ago today. It’s gotten me here, and here is pretty freaking good.